Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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