glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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