She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
