How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
