Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
