i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
