Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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