Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
