At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
