Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
