I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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