she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
