i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
