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I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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