The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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