Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
