I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
