you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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