loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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