hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
