Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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