4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
