i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
