You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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