Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
