Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
