It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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