I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
