Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
