i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
