look no pants
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
