Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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