Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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