I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
