He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
