I wanna bring you to show and tell
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
