She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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