In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
