I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
false alarm. still invincible.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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