Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
