She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The Olympian is in my bed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
