Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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