i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
