And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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