took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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