you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
