My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
