The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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