i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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