Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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