It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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